i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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