My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
