haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
