You're completely useless in the revolution.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
