you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
