i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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