i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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