How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
