Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
