i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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