I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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