Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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