if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize