I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
