I am puke
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
