so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
