It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
