Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
