Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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