My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
We had sex on a dog bed..
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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