You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize