I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
