we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
