can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
