OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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