Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
