dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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