Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
