Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
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