The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
