Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
