you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
