I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
