I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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