I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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