I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
