Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize