Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
