he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
