About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
