Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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