It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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