I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
