Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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