i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
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