your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
