You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
