I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
