What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
