im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
