WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
