So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
