i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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