It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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