You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
