i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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