So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
