ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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