hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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