May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
