we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
