i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
