For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
