Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
