I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Randomize
