he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize