Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
