He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
