Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
