the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
whose parrot is this?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
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