do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
