Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize