3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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